Let's just say, we've had better years. The result of zero income has been both terrible and wonderful. Terrible....because we haven't been able to pay our debts, when we were accustomed to paying everyone on time each month. Also, we've learned the banks THRIVE on overdraft charges!! We owe everyone. Trust me. It can be kind of hard to sleep at night when all of this is hanging over our heads. Plus, all the unknowns that come with not paying your mortgage...for a long long period of time. Unknowns like WHERE ARE WE GOING TO LIVE??!! Where are we going to move where my 89 year old mother in law can also live and get around without worrying about stairs. She is on a fixed income. VERY fixed. Like not enough to actually live on. So...you get the picture. It all seems very daunting. Trust me. I know.
Now to the part about it also being WONDERFUL...The 'wonderful' part of terrible and wonderful, has everything to do with being forced to surrender all of it to God. My maker. The author and perfector of my FAITH. The grace He has given us each day is just that...enough for each day. One day at a time and no more. I am learning to trust God in all circumstances. I'm learning that He can make a way when there is literally NO way. I'm learning to be okay with where I am this very moment. That no matter what this world throws at me...I will be okay. God has a plan for us. I don't have to know all the details of every minute of our future. I wouldn't have chosen to learn these lessons in this manner. I hope to goodness we don't have to sit in the middle of it for too much longer. But I KNOW that I can trust God to take us where HE wants us to be...without ANY input from me.
Final thoughts...Im learning the importance of practicing gratitude every day. I'm learning to let go of my plans and dreams because God's plans and dreams for me are probably so much cooler, and they can't be taken away. I'm learning I am much stronger that I realized and, today, I will be okay. We will be okay. Knowing who I really am...when all the fluffy stuff is stripped away... That is truly wonderful!!